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A sense of achievement

Things have been very much up and down the last few weeks. A month ago I was taxing my brain to the max by doing quick crosswords whenever stress presented itself. Then, suddenly, the ability to use my brain at all deserted me and I’ve spent the last week inhaling Georgette Heyer Regency romances like a woman possessed. I am deliberately NOT writing about Brexit/Covid-19/Black Lives matter in this post, because I’m so angry, all the time, that if I start I won’t stop. (I’ve been posting lots of resources and information on my personal Facebook page for fellow white people who are feeling helpless and don’t know where to start with their antiracism work, so if you’re interested, send me an email and I can provide you with a reading list. I’m also happy to chat about it. It’s not an easy journey.)

Like many people, I think I’m achieving things in fits and starts. I’ve been dyeing a lot, which I enjoy and which is quite meditative, but some things have just been in my to do list for so long, that I fear to face them in case they have grown into giant, hairy, scary things that will bite me. One such thing has been a hat pattern that I wrote towards the end of last year. It was a really enjoyable experience, and I learned a lot – mainly that knitting a pattern that you have in your head is very different to writing one down on paper.  Anyway, I wrote it up, got it tech-edited and test knitted, and then …. it sat on my computer for months.

I told myself that I was delaying the release of this pattern because I didn’t know how to lay it out properly and needed time to work out what to do. Normally my approach to this would be to do an online course in Photoshop or something, which would take time and brain space (and money) that I don’t have.  This time I just paid someone to do it for me. Honestly, it was like going to a spa. I handed off my baby into the capable hands of a designer and got on with some other stuff. It came back all spruced up and looking fancy without my having to do anything at all.

Then I had to face my really big fear – that no one would love it. Of course, no one is going to love it if it’s stuck in my hard drive all on its lonesome, and really, does it matter if no one loves it?  I love it. The family members for whom I have knitted it love it. (In fact, they loved this hat so much that every time I took it somewhere, someone snaffled the one I was working on, so this one in the picture is the fourth iteration.)

So this is today’s achievement, and I’m so, so happy with it. If you’d like to knit it, you can buy it here.

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